Down Day
I may be the only person in the world who actually looks forward to jury duty. For one, it gets me out of work, and two, I think it would be so interesting to sit on a trial. So imagine my utter disappointment when yesterday I called in at 4:30 the business day before (already planning my best juror outfit in my head) and I’m told that my group has been excused and my duty has been fullfilled. EXCUSED? After the day I had at work yesterday I really needed, for my health, to have a reason to not go in today.
So, I called in sick. Truth be told, I was feeling rather ill leaving work yesterday (and M, just so you know, you’re not the only one who cried at work this week). Today I’ve dedicated myself to finding a new job, and to celebrating my husband’s birthday. He has to work today (big surprise) so I baked a cake to take to the guys later.
Now here I am. Its just about the time I would have been getting off work, and I can’t believe how much more quickly the time passes when I’m not stuck in that place. Yesterday I had a full on break-down at work, and now instead of wishing I had a different job, I’m actively looking. But I have a problem. I hate being an engineer. I kept telling myself that if I just got a job in a different engineering department, I’d be so much better off. But honestly, I wouldn’t be. I would still feel bored and unfulfilled. How do I just give up this career that I prepared for? And how do I find a job for comprable pay without having any other experience than I have? And if I decided to give up engineering, how would I know what the right career field is for me?
In other news: I went and saw the new baby yesterday. I’m telling you, this kid is adorable. When we got there she was all swaddled and someone just tucked her into my arms and she slept their forever making little baby sleeping sounds. But again, as soon as Ryan and I walked into the room, someone said, “So, does this make you 2 want to do it now?” I hate to admit it, but I’ve gotten a little defensive about this lately because its starting to feel less like kidding around, more like people saying, “You’re SUPPOSED to be having kids now, you’re 27 for heaven’s sake”. I fight feeling defensive about it because I know the more I defend our choice, the more I find myself convincing me that we’re never going to do it. And I don’t want to close the door on the idea. And honestly, I do know that if it is right for us, then it’ll be time, but not before then. (But I did have a dream last night that my friend Rebecca called and told me secretly that she and her husband were trying. Seriously, babies on the brain.)
So now I’m going to go buy my man some socks for his camping trip this weekend. Its my big outting of the day. Exciting, huh? Hopefully I won’t run into any of my coworkers, because then I’ll have to explain about my mental and emotional sick day, and I don’t really feel like doing that. See ya!
