Putting out Fires

I have problems.  I’m serious, I’m not normal.  I have this thing where I obsess over terrible things that might happen.  The most common thing is when we’re getting ready for bed I start the regular list of bedtime questions for Ryan.  “Did you turn off the grill?  Are the doors locked?  Did you see if the iron was unplugged?  How about the front door?  Cause really I swear I saw it unlocked earlier”  This leads to a huge sigh from his side of the bed, then the turning on of lights, rechecking of doors, checking all outlets, then final assurances before I can finally feel semi-safe enough to fall asleep.  Then I wonder if he checked the locks on the windows. 

Then there’s the classic garage door issue.  We pile in the more gas efficient car (his), back out of the driveway, then we’re off to wherever we’re going.  About a mile down the road I start thinking.  I saw the garage door going down, but was that today?  Did I push the button?  What if it was left open and someone breaks in and something happens to the dogs?  Would my good for nothing neighbors bother to shut it for us?  About 2 miles down the road I start voicing my mental meanderings.  At mile 3:  the sigh.  Then the u-turn.  All the way back to the house to check the garage.  This didn’t just happen once.  This happens once a WEEK.

But the worst is fire.  I have a fire phobia.  Ironic, huh?  I don’t think I ever had it until our apartment complex caught on fire at 3am when we were in school.  After that I had nightmares of that roaring sound for years.  Now I obsessively double and triple check outlets before going to bed or leaving the house.  The worst part is that when I’ve been gone from the house for a while I obsessively think about what might be catching my house on fire.  And the dogs stuck inside.  Will the neighbors notice the smoke in time?  Do they have my cell number?  Do they know there’s dogs in the house?  Almost without fail when I drive home I imagine rounding the corner on to my street and seeing it filled with soot-infused water and my house burnt to the ground.  And my puppies gone.

I have issues.  And no kidding I just read the above to Ryan and he laughed because these things happen with me on a daily basis.  Please tell me that I’m not on the road to pyschoville. 

{and I have a phobia of memes, but I’ll do Melati’s tomorrow.  :-)  }

I have a secret obsession. I love trashy gossip magazines. I crave them. I love looking at the pictures of the beautiful people, and reading about their lives. Its sick, I know. So, when I’m at the gym I make a beeline for the magazine rack and then spend 30 minutes happily ignoring the pain that the elliptical is inflicting on my body by filling my mind with trashy gossip about people who are barely real.

I’ve noticed a trend lately. It seems like the new fad in Hollywood (besides those stupid ‘tattooed’ trucker hats) is to find another famous person, fall into puppy love, have a huge lavish wedding, then have an equally fabulous divorce 4-12 months later. The most amazing thing about this is that we, the adoring public, eat it all up. We WANT to know why Brad and Jen didn’t work out. We want to know if Rene found her new husband was cheating. We find ourselves reading on to find out if Denise and Charlie really can get their act together.

Yesterday I got to thinking about this whole marriage thing. Honestly, I do feel like marriage as an institution is not taken as seriously as it used to be. Aside from Hollywood, I’ve known quite a few people who just didn’t seem to get that it was meant to be forever. Obviously people can change, but I can’t ever understand the feeling that some people have that there’s always divorce to fall back on in case it doesn’t work. Why get married in the first place if you’re not sure?

Now to the point I want to make (bet you didn’t see this coming): I’m amazed that there are people in this world who will go out of their way to insist that two people who are in love and want to be married could possibly be ruining the sanctity of marriage, just because they are the same sex. So what of these celebrities who actually ARE ruining the sanctity of marriage? These are public figures who have a total disregard for the very idea of marriage. For them its about having a big party and getting publicity, on both the marriage and the divorce ends. Yet I don’t read stories about people picketing outside of city halls to keep celebrities from marrying.

The best part of being in England was all the traveling I did by myself.  Now that I’m back, I’ve decided that its silly to be so comfortable in my own city that I don’t go out and explore alone.  On a weekend day recently I found myself with a whole afternoon with nothing planned.  Instead of doing something new, I decided I would try something old.

When was the last time you went to the public library?

This is my local library.  Interestingly, I actually named this branch.  I know, its a boring name, but it was mine.  I also rode on an antique fire engine at the dedication of this branch when I was about 15 years old.  I can’t believe it took me this long to go back to my library.

Public libraries these days suffer at the hands of the Internet in that there is less urgency to replace the old with the new, so I had a hard time finding any up-to-date books on what I went there looking for.  I wasn’t surprised to walk into the library and see every single computer being used.  What I was surprised to see were all the people milling in the bookshelves.  A lot of people.  And more wonderfully, most of them were parents encouraging their children to find an interesting book to take home.  Is that even possible?

I guess I just assumed that these days most parents thought it was easier to stick a video game controler in their kids’ hands than to actually encourage them to expand their minds.  But here I was, sitting in my library, watching kids who were excited about books.  Kids who wanted to sit down right then and there and start reading.  Kids dragging their parents to the checkout counter so they could hurry home with their treasures. 

While I didn’t get much reading done myself, I know that from now on when I have an empty day I’ll think about going to the library.  Sitting in a comfy old chair watching book lovers and book lovers in training over the top of my book is better than a chain coffee house that uses burnt coffee beans and hard chairs any day. 

I’m not saying it was me, but one of us needed Gas-X on Friday or we were going to die. But both of us needed beer or we weren’t going to make it after an extremely hard week last week. So, we got to the cashier with our beer and our Gas-X, one of us doubled over and one of us drooling like Homer Simpson, and the cashier very kindly says, at the top of his lungs so everyone in the store can hear, “Gas-X and Rolling Rock. That’s going to be some party!” Next time we’ll throw in a box of c0ndoms for good measure.

Since I’m on a firefighting kick, I’ve been saving this for a while:

(*Note:  this blog has been posted on a different day from when it was written, for paranoia’s sake)

When I started this blog I really thought that it would be an outlet to talk about my new life as a firefighter wife (hence my blog title).  It was such a huge change in the lifestyle I was used to that I was terrified of what it would do to me, my individuality, my marriage, our path.  As it turns out, I’ve taken to the life so fully that I don’t even think to post about the lifestyle very often. 

But really, its not always easy.  Ryan’s schedule is always different so I only sort of know what to expect for the week.  Recently he worked on day 1, then he was off on day 2 but he had class that night, then he worked day 3, picked up an overtime shift on day 4, then his regular shift on day 5.  That means I didn’t see him for almost five days straight.  This really isn’t normal, but it does happen occasionally.

Sometimes I enjoy the time alone, but on other nights I just feel….alone.  Most of my friends in town are married or super busy, not to mention the fact that I live pretty far away from most people.  So I end up home alone with only the TV and books to keep me company.  Tonight is one of the bad nights.  I’m feeling really down and almost like I have a life all on my own.  I go to work, come home and let the dogs out, go to the gym alone, come back home to the dogs, heat up leftovers because its not worthing making a real meal for one, then attempt to waste 3 or 4 hours until its time to go to bed.  More often than not, though, I just can’t get myself excited about a project or something productive with such an empty, quiet house so I end up moping around.

I sometimes hear people talking about how their spouse is out of town for the week so they’re not sleeping right.  Believe me, I do understand how that would be hard to deal with, but a small part of me wants to scream, “Try my life for a month!  Try being so used to your spouse being gone that its easy to fall asleep alone.  Try waking up in the morning, and rolling over just to see if its a morning that he’s there or not.  Try having part of your bedtime routine be barricading yourself in the bedroom just in case.”. 

As a positive, I do feel really lucky that I have such a great husband that I do feel sad when he’s not around.  On days when he is home, I feel so blessed for that precious time with him and I must admit I am really protective of the time we do have together.  Just to be in the same space as him…  My greatest fear is that some day I’ll get used to being alone. 

Last night as I was getting ready for bed I had the news on in the background.  Whenever I hear the word ‘fire’ I have to see what they’re talking about.  Well, last night is what every firefighter’s wife dreads:  I saw my husband’s engine.  The pictures were only from the sky, and all they knew about the fire was that it was two houses burning and that there were downed electrical lines.  The worst part was, the fire was only about a half mile from my house, so when I went into the backyard I could see the huge plume of smoke.

I was frantic.  Called whoever I knew would be awake just to have someone to talk to.  Flipped channels for the full half hour of the news just in case they had any new information.  Then I waited.  I stayed up for an extra hour and a half waiting for Ryan to call.  He always calls before he goes to bed.  I’m still waiting.

I’m sure he’s fine.  I woke up early to catch the news at the top of the hour and there wasn’t any bad news, just pictures of the fire from the ground and pictures of firefighters working, probably Ryan.  But still, its nights like last night that make me question whether this job is worth it.

Last night we had our twice-yearly dinner with one of my father-in-laws favorite patients as he was in town for his doc appointments. Twice a year he piles in a car with a few of his more sprightly friends (they’re in their 70s) and they drive over from California for a few days of doctor visit and to hit the town. (and last night he was complaining to me about the fact that it took a long time to get anywhere because the driver on this particular trip kept slowing down to look at hot women)  In their plans, however, is always a steak dinner with my family.

When we get to the restaurant, B is running the show immediately. From this frail man is issued commands on who sits next to who, no spouses sitting together, Ryan must sit where he can talk to him, people with common interests should meet and sit within earshot… It is quite a production! Once we’re all settled in we are encouraged to order whatever we want, but that must include the same appetizers we always get, and we all must order a drink.

The restaurant is pretty loud, so it is hard for B to hear all of us, and hard for some of us to hear him, but we all have a great time anyway. My favorite part is when he starts talking about his life. He’s from Sweden and claims that something like 60% of Sweeds are left-handed. Who knew?

Last night I also learned that when he was very young, B was told by a professional gambler to always keep 26 cents in his pocket. Two dimes, a nickle, and a penny. We all asked if that was for emergency phone calls and a little left over, and he said he didn’t know, but he’d kept two dimes, a nickle and a penny in his right pocket for all his life. He attributes all of his good luck to this. I suspect his luck has much more to do with his generosity towards all people.

When my mother-in-law commented on the fact that his skin was gorgeous and that he didn’t have a wrinkle on his face, he informed us that he never, ever used soap on his face. “I don’t let soap touch it!”.

And of the fate of our country, he thinks we’re in trouble the way we’re headed. Can you imagine seeing 95 years of change in a place? I’d imagine he has a pretty good idea whether we’re on the right track or not.

So B, thank you for a wonderful night, yet again. And to you: a very Happy Birthday tomorrow. 95 never looked so good and we’ll see you again in 6 months.

When you’re 27 and been married for 3 and half years, people are always giving you a hard time about babies.  I don’t mind it too much, but the fact is that I’m not sure where we stand on the idea of kids.  Our life right now has no room in it for children, but even more so is that WE still feel like kids.  We have so much fun running off for the weekend if we want to, we can go out any night of the week, and with as little time as we get together anyway, we both feel very selfish about our time.  We’re just not ready.

But I am enjoying watching friends of mine go through the exciting life changes with preganancies, babies, first days of school, baby model shoots….  I get to hold babies whenever I want, I love getting pictures on email of babies’ firsts, I love hearing the entertaining stories about what they’re saying or doing. 

This weekend I went to a baby shower for my friend Shayla.  I haven’t ever been to a shower this intimate before, as there were only 6 of us, but it was a whole lot of fun and the amount of people turned out to be perfect!  We all made scrapbook pages to be filled with pictures once Baby Girl arrives, we ate great food, and we watched the present opening.  Best of all, Shayla Jr. gets two more showers before she arrives! 

Here’s the fruit pizza I made for the party (sadly I was stuck in the house today with all of the leftovers.  Poor me!).  OK, OK, truthfully Ryan decorated it, and isn’t it beautiful??

Shayla also received a present from far away.  KC, did you make this?!  It is Hawaiian girl themed to match the new nursery.  So sweet!

So, while we’re not anywhere close to having little ones ourselves, I sure am having fun watching everyone else do it.  And in the meantime, we’ll keep ‘practicing’ just in case. 

Awe come on, don’t pretend that you don’t love Harry Potter.  YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT!  Well even if you haven’t read the books (shame on you!), this movie looks like the best yet.  I got the chills!  I’ll be the first in line. 

WANNA SEE THE TRAILER?!